Forever Lost
by SailorStarHealer1
Summary: One quiet night in Tokyo seiya/sailorstarfighter is pondering about the feelings she hold for usagi. A few revalations are noticed and she has to decide if she loves Usagi enough to give up loving her to make her happy.


Forever Lost  
  
  
Web site: http://devoted.to/starlights  
Info: This short story takes place some time during the star series after the three lights  
find out who the senshi really are. This is just my way of trying t oget people to understand  
Fighter's extreme feelings and take a guess at what she might have been going through. And be  
warned that this is a very depressing fic. I wrote it sometime late at night and kinda let my  
frustrations out. So witout anymore babbling...."Forever Lost"  
  
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Gentle, the breeze was so warm and gentle that night. And the air..it was so crisp and   
still, as if waiting..waiting. The heavens were painted with the richest hues of blue and black  
that night, inhancing the tasteful view that was already created. Streched out across the heavens   
the stars seemed to peek in and out from behind the dark clouds as they smiled down upon those   
who lived so far below. Their soft glow giving everyone a beautiful peice of art right above   
their heads, but most were to busy living to see...to busy being alive to realize what was going   
on around them. who was laughing and who was crying.  
The summer night was wrapping Tokyo in it's arms as most of the people slept soundly, lost in   
the world of their dreams. The fantasy's that danced in front of their mind's eye, entertaining   
some, frightening others and confusing all the rest who dared to ponder on such things that   
were uncomprehendable. Uncomprehendable things...  
High above Tokyo, the towering apartments overshadowed those walking so far below and if   
they paused for a moment, tilting their heads back ever so slightly, they would have noticed how   
the lights from each window twinkled beautifully, adding to the magic of a night in the city. The   
array of lit windows and those that were dark, the flashing of reflecting lights in the windows,   
and those windows whose curtains had not been drawn, bodies of people moving about within were   
shadowed upon the glass. But most were to busy to notice these things. To busy to see. To really   
see.  
So far above the streets, one of the apartment balcony doors opened, the curtains   
billowing softly as the breeze teased the material and made it's way into the darkened room on   
the other side. A tall, thin figure padded silently out onto the balcony, their deep, thoughtful   
eyes wide from loss of sleep and filled with tourment and worry. Closing the door behind her   
with a small 'click', she turned and closed her eyes, letting the feeling of the night wash over   
her. The warm, almost sticky feeling of the atmosphere, the gentle hum of the living far below   
her, the slightest twinkling of the hosi (stars) far above her, and the soft breathing of the   
wind that danced around her . Her deep, endless blue eyes opened and looked out far across the   
city and foolishly she thought to herself, 'I wonder if I can see her house from here?'  
Crossing the small distance from the door to the metal railing, she rested her elbows   
lightly on the cool metal, her long black hair that rivaled with the darkness of the night,   
swayed gently behind her. Her long hair was kept restrained by the ponytail it was pulled up   
into at the nape of her slender neck. Sighing, her eyes were filled with even more pain as she   
brushed the silly thought out of her head and scolded herself for being so baka...once again.   
'I wonder..if she's asleep right now.' Her blue eyes twinkled for an instance, the   
thought of this girl seeming to brighten up her entire soul, 'I wonder...what she's dreaming   
about. Maybe..' but then her world came crashing back down once again and she shook her head   
silently, the light going out in her heart, 'Such thoughts are painful. She can never be mine.   
Not even...a little.'  
"Hopeless," Seiya breathed into the night around her, "It's hopless."   
'Or maybe I'm the one that's hopeless. Hai...' seiya closed her eyes again, trying to   
will the painful thoughts out of her mind, but they refused to listen, refused to obey her.   
'She's so...' her mind was starting to pull together a picture for her words. The most lovely   
picture she could ever imagine to see.  
A soft, well shaped face, with large powder blue eyes that twinkled with such love and   
hope...such friendship. A small cute little button nose, that made seiya smile, even in all her   
misery. Soft, full lips....such a painfull temptation to the young starlight...but so sweet.   
And long, golden blonde hair, the color of a warm summer day that were fixed up in two small   
odangos on top of her head, giving her such a childish...an innocent look to her. An angel, a   
goddess, a rare shine that surrounded the young girl and Seiya had felt it the very first moment   
his eyes had passed by her.   
'..beautiful.' and even that word seemed to pale at what Seiya really felt to describe   
her. But it was the only human word that she knew of to use, even though the bearer deserved so   
much more. So much more.  
"Odango.." seiya whispered slowly, opening her eyelids, 'he's so lucky..that guy over   
seas.'  
The wind seemed to suddenly chill her to the bone and she stood up stright, wrapping her   
arms around her and rubbing the chilled flesh gently with tender hands. 'Even though he left her   
here...alone, she still loves him with all her heart.' the thought filled her with so much pain,   
anger and confusion all at once. Her clear eyes, that were full of stars, started to twinkle   
softly as tears welled up in them. 'I wish that we could have...no, it was never meant...'  
Sighing, she leaned back over on the railing, letting her gaze travel to the ground far   
below her, her long ponytail tumbling over her shoulder and trembling in the breeze.   
'Please...at least come back to her soon. She...she really needs you.' Seiya pleaded to   
Usagi's faceless boyfriend who was millons of miles away. 'What I wouldn't give...to give her   
the kind of love..that she needs.'  
'Mindless thoughts, Such things can never be, can they?' she wondered silently as she   
watched the people stroll by far below her, some smiling, some frowning, and others laughing  
happily. 'Happy. Everthing has gone wrong since galaxia...kinmoku-sei..' her thoughts stilled  
for a moment, the only clear sound was her own gentle breathing echoing through the dark. Such   
thoughts were painful...even more so than that of an unreturned love? Maybe..maybe not.  
'I wonder what it would be like,' closing her eyes once more, she tried to imagine   
the young girl there, with her, 'to kiss her...'  
A soft image of seiya holding usagi so close to her appeared in her mind's eye, making a   
small grin pass across Seiya's face. Holding her angel close to her, feeling Usagi's heartbeat   
against hers and Usagi's beautiful eyes that were full of emotion..for her. Seiya's hand gently   
reached up to trace Usagi's jaw line, her fingertips coming to rest upon the young girl's   
trembling lips. So beautiful....so...and seiya moved closer to her angel, her lips brushing up   
against Usagi's as they came together, the love that she harbored for the young girl being echoed  
through the passionate kiss. 'Heaven, my angel...I wish I could just hold you in my arms. If   
only for a little while.'  
Warm, the small tear twinkled as it slid down seiya's face. Her lips trembled slightly   
as she opened her watery eyes that were so full of pain. 'Why do I do this to myself? Nothing I   
say or do will ever really matter. It's not me she will ever want, ne? Iie...never.'  
Lifting up a hand to her face, she brushed the tear away quickly and let her gaze travel  
back up to the sky...and to the moon. 'So bright, so warm..like her. Her...odango.'  
'I wonder if I should even let her know, ' she thought wearily, her body starting to   
take account of all the activity she had done that day , 'if it would matter. But I don't think   
it would. I think it would only burden her...iie..' She shook her head again and pushed back her   
long ponytail behind her, feeling it brush up against her back.  
'Odango..' the girl forever haunted her thoughts. Nice, yet a constant reminder to her   
that the beautiful angel she so longed for...would never be hers.   
'But I will do all I can for you odango, ' seiya thought, feeling her heart swell up within her   
chest at the thought of galaxia attacking earth again, 'that is the least I can do for you. I   
will protect you...no matter what, dear angel.'  
Her eyes, so full of turmoil over an angel put upon this earth, caught the faint glimpse   
of a nagaroboshi and a small smile lightly graced her lips. 'I know it's silly to wish upon..  
demo...' she closed her eyes momentarly and wished with all her soul, 'be happy Odango...may   
your world survive and may you laugh with all your heart again. And...for your boyfriend to make   
a safe and quick trip home to you....angel...just whatever it takes for you to be happy, let it   
be. Even...even if it's not me.'  
Lowering her head, she opend her eyelids slowly, feeling another warm tear slip down her   
cheek, but she didn't bother to wipe it away. The light in her soul flickers a moment, before   
fading away into darkness, her heart set in determanation....but broken. The breeze around her   
yeilds to her form, becoming silent as the few soft words slip from her lips and are forever   
lost, "Aishiteru..odango."   
And love is forever lost......  
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Thank you for reading ^^ If you have any compliments, suggetions, (hopefully not) flames,   
then feel free to email me. My box is empty often, so chances are I'll email you back. Thanks  
again. 


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